Why Movie Villains Rarely Win

Wall Of Fire


Have you ever wondered why movie heroes always win, no matter how high the odds are stacked against them? The truth is, The Lord of the Rings wouldn’t be nearly as good if Sauron conquered Middle Earth. It’s better for everyone when movie villains are thwarted. Here’s why:

That’s what the 5 o’clock news is for

If we wanted a story that ended in death, destruction and heartbreak, we’d just turn to the nightly news. Suspending reality for the win!

There isn’t enough wine and ice cream

Fallen heroes make for sad movies. Sad movies mean finding solace in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Are supermarkets prepared for that kind of demand?

No one empathizes with the bad guy

When Voldemort was trying kill Harry (all 97 times), no one was like, “Wow, I totally understand his emotional plight.” We just don’t identify with evil minds like that. The only exception to this: Darth Vader. But he evolved as a person, you know?

Every sequel would be apocalyptic

If the villain won, the final scene would end in anarchy and explosions. There just aren’t enough pyrotechnics in Hollywood for sequels like that. Except for maybe a Michael Bay movie.

The orchestra would go on strike after producing the film score

A violinist can only play so many minor chords before he goes into serious depression and throws in the towel. What’s a movie without dramatic music closing out the credits?

That’s not how you train the youth of America

Someone has to teach young minds that they can’t get away with peeing on a storefront or robbing it at gunpoint. That someone might as well be Hollywood.