Sure, camping, hiking and biking sound fun in theory — but that’s before you’re forced to live like a caveman. There’s something “special” about sleeping outside: sharing nature with insects, endless B.O. and every other “great” thing about the outdoors. If outdoor vacations seem pointless to you, we just might have your perfect alternative.
Cruises
Cruise ships are indoor vacations masquerading as outdoor ones. Think about it: There are only a few days when you’re actually allowed to disembark on one of the islands. During your days at sea, lying poolside on the top deck is the closest to the Great Outdoors you’ll get. Plus, there’s all-inclusive food. Need we say more?
Four-Star Hotels
Ahhh, shelter and pain-free relaxation. Why be happy with only the bare essentials for human survival when you can do much better? Resorts are filled with luxurious indoor fun: spas, gyms, pools, restaurants, snack bars, regular bars and down mattress pads. Even when these hotels are located somewhere inherently outdoorsy — such as near ski slopes or anywhere in the state of Montana — you never actually have to step outside.
Las Vegas
Who says adventure must take place outside? Vegas is a tribute to indoor debauchery, from gambling to drinking to … a bunch of other stuff we won’t list. Between the drive-through weddings, stilettos and opulent hotel suites, this is the exact opposite of camping.
European train tours
This is the best possible option for the immobile world explorer: It allows you to see famous landmarks without even having to stand up and support your body weight. Thanks to Europe’s extensive rail lines, you can opt for this sort of trip in almost any country you can think of. And hey, we hear the food is pretty good, too.
