Fantasy League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The thirteenth season of The Bachelorette started last night, and it was next level stuff. Rachel Lindsay met her 30 suitors and was extremely forgiving as they tried very hard to make an impression. The Dallas lawyer and sports fan is maybe the most likable person in the history of reality television. She is decidedly sassy—yet classy.
As for the men? There was Blake E., an aspiring drummer. (Sad.) We met Jonathan, who actually calls himself a “tickle monster.” (Weird.) Adam showed up with Adam Jr., his puppet. (Creepy.) Lucas shook his head a lot and yelled “whaboom,” to everyone’s annoyance. (Ugh.) And there was a guy in a penguin costume. He actually seemed normal by comparison.
The coveted first impression rose SPOILER ALERT!! went to Bryan, a chiropractor who has a masterful and seductive command of the Spanish language. He promised “trouble,” and Rachel took him up on it. They made out copiously. Did he mean “trouble” in the sense of a monogamous LTR though? Maybe! But we’re skeptical. We’re partial to Josiah, tbh.
The season is just getting started, and fans aren’t totally sold on Rachel’s options. In fact, we’re worried that Rachel will make a horrible mistake. She just seems so nice, it would be a shame to see her wind up with the wrong person. Fingers crossed!
If you haven’t seen the episode, you can watch it on PrimeTime Anytime. It automatically records primetime shows on networks like ABC and stores them on your Hopper 3 DVR for 8 days. And if you need to watch The Bachelorette, you need to know what people are saying about it. Here is what Twitter had to say.
Bryan is hot
Rachel likes Bryan.
Bryan is hot. Good on you, Rachel #TheBachelorette
— Daniela (@DanielaEspo) May 23, 2017
“DONT TRUST BRIAN!!” every woman in America, screaming at their tv, speaking from experience. Or maybe it’s just me idk #TheBachelorette
— Erin Hessler (@erin_hessler) May 23, 2017
The chiropractor is an ENT tonight. #TheBachelorette
— Amber Bakeberg (@discopooh2) May 23, 2017
Rachel’s dog, tho
Let’s give it up for the real star of the show… Rachel’s dog. #TheBachelorette 🌹
— Emily Anne (@darrsky) May 23, 2017
I don’t even know your name, Rachel’s dog, but I already feel a very strong connection to you. #TheBachelorette
— Andrea Lavinthal (@andilavs) May 23, 2017
5 minutes in & at this point I don’t care if there will be an engagement, I just want to see more of Copper, Rachel’s dog 🐕 #TheBachelorette
— Amy Elson (@amyelson) May 23, 2017
— Debbie Letter (@debbieletter) May 23, 2017
There’s something about Adam Jr.
— Karrington Brown (@KarringtonBrown) May 23, 2017
— Lauren Ellers (@LaurenDramaGirl) May 23, 2017
Plot Twist: Adam Jr. gets the final rose #TheBachelorette
— des✨ (@dessi_deee) May 23, 2017
Rachel: “I definitely see potential”
My dad: “HOW CAN YOU SEE POTENTIAL IN THE FIRST 10 SECONDS. YOU CAN’T DO THAT”#TheBachelorette
— Angharad Hatt (@AngharadHatt) May 23, 2017
First kiss on the bachelorette:
My dad: he’s eating her..
— Julia Faul (@jufaul) May 23, 2017
My dad loves wahboom so much and can’t stop talking about him #TheBachelorette
— MaryKathryn Pengelly (@maykaypengelly) May 23, 2017
My dad said he felt “vicariously embarrassed” because of the tickle monster on the bachelorette
— Isabel (@isabel_auger) May 23, 2017
Go away, Whaboom
Stop trying to make Whaboom happen. #TheBachelorette
— Jordan Smith (@joviallyjordan) May 23, 2017
Fun fact: my first impression upon seeing Lucas’s cast bio was “what a punchable face.” Everything he does confirms it. #TheBachelorette
— Laura Jane (@Lauritaberl) May 23, 2017
— Abby Ponder (@abbyponder) May 23, 2017
Tune in Mondays at 9 p.m. on ABC to watch The Bachelorette live.