The Weekday Warrior: Monotonitis

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Definition

Monotonitis is an alarming condition, perhaps, because the afflicted individuals’ lives are so un-alarming. Sufferers find themselves a slave to their daily routine, adhering to all societal constructs and rarely truly living in the moment. In fact, an individual with monotonitis often seems more like a zombie than a human. Luckily, this condition is easy to combat.

Symptoms

As with all zombie-like conditions, monotonitis manifests itself differently in every individual. Common symptoms, however, include the following:

  • A slight glaze over the eyes
  • Noises such as “Nggggfffnn” instead of real words
  • Never taking a sick day or vacation day at work
  • Never venturing out of the “Recommended for You” section on Netflix
  • Frequently confusing toothpaste for shampoo (and vice versa)
  • Dark rings under the eyes

Causes

The causes of monotonitis usually result from an unwillingness to break from usual routine. This occurs due to several factors:

  • Fear of one’s boss
  • Fear of one’s friends
  • Fear of getting too little sleep
  • Disconnection with living humans

Risk factors

Generally speaking, those at the greatest risk of monotonitis prefer safety and feel anxious regarding change.

  • Unsavory experiences with change
  • An unsatisfying career
  • Boring friends

Treatments and home remedies

Those with monotonitis can take many steps toward enriching their lives. A few techniques that are usually successful include:

  • Going out with friends once in a while
  • Occasionally skipping work to binge-watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
  • Joining a unique club, such as the Indoor Skiing Society or the Paddleboard Photographers Association
  • A disregard for normal sleep habits
  • Meditation
  • Drinking wine and/or coffee

Prevention

Even with these usually effective remedies, an individual may fear relapsing into montonitis. Prevention is an important step of recovery, so be sure to employ the following practices:

  • Use the buddy system: Much like after a breakup, one needs a friend to drag him or her out of bed and into clean clothing
  • Try one new thing every week, even if it’s only mixing up which variety of Lean Cuisine you bring to work
  • Use your vacation days
  • Try things at the traditionally incorrect time, such as eating ice cream for breakfast or wearing white after Labor Day

Monotonitis is a difficult condition to combat because more often than not, the individual is unaware that he or she has it. Give yourself adequate time to recover, and be sure to ask friends and family for help.