The Rookie: Isolationitis

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Definition

Isolationitis is a surprisingly common condition affecting both men and women. It occurs when people hear conversations about TV shows they haven’t yet seen. As a result, they are unable to participate in many interactions with their peers and begin to question themselves. Why haven’t you seen Breaking Bad? Will you be unprepared for potential incarceration if you never watch Orange Is the New Black? Needless to say, Isolationitis can be a debilitating condition.

Symptoms

Those with Isolationitis feel isolated from their peers, romantic interests and sometimes even their parents, and they perceive themselves as uninformed members of society. More often than not, however, they aren’t sure why. Common symptoms include:

  • Frustration when viewing social media news feeds, as those who have this condition are bombarded with quotes and jokes that they do not understand
  • Adequate Vitamin D consumption
  • Laptop abandonment
  • A still active Blockbuster membership

Causes

Isolationitis, though serious, develops slowly over time. It typically begins when an adolescent graduates from school and has significantly less time to dedicate to binge-watching his or her favorite shows. Specific causes include:

  • Technological insufficiency
  • A full-time job
  • Children
  • Errands
  • Maintaining relationships

Risk factors

In addition to these common causes, a few other factors fundamentally increase your risk of developing Isolationitis:

  • An overly active lifestyle
  • Poor Internet connection
  • Uncomfortable sweat pants

Treatments and home remedies

Luckily, treating Isolationitis is easy and safe. If you find yourself in this uncomfortable situation, make an effort to incorporate these things into your daily routine:

  • A more comfortable bed
  • A closer relationship with your local food delivery service
  • A TV dinner tray
  • A dedicated friend who will come over to your house once per day to ensure you’re caught up
  • A babysitter

Prevention

Even with the best intentions, you may find it easy to slip back into Isolationitis. To ensure you continue to make progress, it’s a good idea to practice prevention. Here are a few best practices to ensure you’re always up to speed:

  • Stay connected with the Netflix-watching Facebook friends you once scorned during your darker hours — they can help you stay on top of what is trending
  • Make sure you’ve created a comfortable and inviting area to watch TV, complete with a snack drawer, a beverage station and footie pajamas
  • Ask a trusted friend or family member to keep an eye on your viewing habits, should you begin to slip

Isolationitis is a frustrating condition for a Netflix rookie, but it is certainly treatable. With the right guidance and care, you’ll feel included in the world around you in no time.