The Casual Browser: Attention Span Abbreviation

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Definition

Attention Span Abbreviation is a condition in which an individual cannot finish a TV series, episode or film in full. The causes of Attention Span Abbreviation are many, and its effects are just as numerous. Those afflicted with this disorder usually feel unfulfilled, adrift and as if they are bouncing from activity to activity without accomplishing much. Though thoroughly disheartening, Attention Span Abbreviation is treatable.

Symptoms

Attention Span Abbreviation symptoms vary from person to person, but most people experience one or more of the following:

  • Apathy during heated show-related discussions
  • Excessive time spent browsing Pinterest and/or Instagram
  • Half-completed DIY projects, such as gallery walls, refurbished thrift store furniture and wine bottle lamps
  • Constant, crippling exposure to spoilers
  • Forgotten passwords
  • Sudden, pervasive sadness

Needless to say, Attention Span Abbreviation can make its sufferers feel disconnected from the outside world. They are frequently found lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unsure what activity they’d like to do next. This wasted time is accompanied by feelings of guilt at not accomplishing anything productive.

Causes

Attention Span Abbreviation can be caused by many things, from TV show–related anxiety to apathy. All of these causes, when exacerbated, can have a profound effect on an individual’s Netflix viewing habits:

  • Far too many interests (one cannot write, read, knit, bake, craft, run, lift, CrossFit, perform comedy and design websites all in the same week)
  • A strict bedtime
  • Poor choice of TV shows
  • Too weak of a connection with protagonists
  • Too strong of a connection with protagonists
  • An intense espresso habit

Individuals who identify these causes in their own lives should not lose hope. When acknowledged, the causes can be easily overcome.

Risk factors

On top of these causes, certain risks raise an individual’s chances of developing Attention Span Abbreviation:

  • Living alone
  • Living with a tiny TV
  • Living with Internet
  • Living without household snacks
  • Too many glare-inducing windows
  • A laptop charger that is not long enough to reach the nearest outlet

Treatments and home remedies

Luckily, there are many effective ways to treat Attention Span Abbreviation.

  • Buy more compelling household snacks
  • Reduce your daily household projects (no one actually needs a coffee table covered in bottle caps)
  • Invest in a quality extension cord
  • Ask friends for advice about compelling shows

Prevention

Even if you find that these treatments are effective enough to cure your Attention Span Abbreviation by themselves, it’s important to employ a few preventive practices as well:

  • Ask a buddy to watch shows with you, as it will motivate you to finish
  • Better yet, ask someone you’re dating to watch shows with you
  • Understanding that it is OK to do nothing
  • In fact, watching TV is more of an activity than looking at your Instagram feed or staring at the ceiling

With a little time and patience, even the most distracted Attention Span Abbreviation victims will find themselves finishing a show in its entirety.