Keeping Up With Ever-Changing Health News

These days, keeping up with the latest health news can be tricky business. What’s good for you one minute is bad for you the next. To help make sense of it all, this hilarious video from FUSION’sCome Here and Say That” is just what the doctor ordered!

Show host Alicia Menendez kicks things off with a juicy report on the benefits of kissing your dog on the mouth. According to scientists, canine slobber is loaded with probiotics, the helpful bacteria that makes Activia yogurt so popular. “So the next time your dog accidentally sneaks some tongue in, don’t think, gross! He licks his ass with that!” Menendez quips. “Think, wow! I’m getting more probiotics than Jamie Lee Curtis right now!”

Next up is one of health’s hottest topics: the sun. A new study indicates that exposure to sunlight may help seniors improve a variety of functions, prompting Menendez to draw a comparison that only she could possibly make. “So basically, the sun is to old people what Rachel McAdams is to True Detective, season two. Doing what little it can to help a sinking ship stay afloat just a little longer than it should.”

Of course, with direct sunlight comes the risk of skin cancer. But before you reach for that tube of SPF 100, recent news suggests that sunscreens might be extremely toxic to sea creatures. Menendez, who’s been diligently shredding plastic six-pack drink rings her whole life, doesn’t take the info well. “I’ve been cutting these damn things for thirty years and now you tell me Coppertone has been undoing all my hard work?!” We feel your pain, Alicia.

On the dietary front, what could possibly be healthier than a nice cup of almond milk in your morning cereal? Plenty, if a false advertising lawsuit against the makers of Almond Breeze is any indication. “My almond milk doesn’t have almonds in it?” Menendez gasps in disbelief. “Next they’ll tell me Paul Rudd isn’t really an ant, and that Kid Rock’s a full grown adult man who gets his prostate examined every four years just like everyone else!”

Perhaps a prescription for some retail therapy might be just the thing to help lower stress levels? That is unless you shop at T.J. Maxx, which is being sued for tricking customers into believing they’re saving on name brand items. For our host, a confirmed fan of the discount clothing store, this final bit of info is simply too much to take. “If I’m not a Maxxinista, then I don’t know what I am at all anymore!” Menendez says, before bravely moving on to face life’s next inevitable disappointment.

Chin up, folks! Doctor’s orders!